Tomorrow is the day for me.
The day I have been waiting to come for about a month now.
Tomorrow at suppertime is when I get my psychological evaluation results. I will finally have the answers I have waited to find out for practically all my life.
I am very emotionally drained over this process. The anxiety over getting answers and needing to know is just driving me nuts.
As I described to a few people, it is like having a winning lottery ticket in your hand and you are sure you saw your winning numbers on the tv. Sure of it. You just need to get a hold of the lottery company to confirm it and the line is constantly busy. This waiting is feeling like that. Hard to focus on anything else.
At the last session of testing I scored on the ADHD test. I scored medium to high so she said that I am definitely ADHD. That I pretty much knew. I didn’t know what level, but I was told in school that I was ADD.
What is coming as a surprise (or maybe it isn’t so much of a surprise when I really think about it) is that she tested me for ASD and she thinks or is definitely thinking that I will score somewhere mildly on the spectrum. This means that I will be considered high-functioning autistic like Juli except I have no speech delay. She said under the old terms would have been known as Asperger’s Syndrome.
When I think about it, it makes complete sense. I have a cousin who is Asperger’s as well… When I think about all of the pieces and put them together, I am literally like a mirror image of Julianna personality wise. I can also understand how she feels as it is exactly how I use to feel. It explains why I can understand her so very well.
It also explains every single aspect of my life that I didn’t understand before.
I will get the official results tomorrow and until then I obviously won’t know for sure (which trust me this wait is practically driving me insane). I can hardly focus on anything else.
I’m actually thankful for that Rogers call yesterday as it made the day pass by really fast lol. And so in about 17 hours I will be sitting in the nice comfy room listening to my official diagnosis.
I am looking forward to it and I’m perfectly fine with that diagnosis :). I have been thinking about it a lot and when I do, it just makes sense :).
It gives me an answer to everything little thing I ever wondered about. An explanation to every little quirk that I didn’t know why I was like that. To all of the things that friends or acquaintances found odd about me. See also my post from a few weeks ago called “My turn”. It will give you more insights as to what I mean here.
This way when I understand everything better I will be able to explain better why I am the way I am.
Why I am so emotional. Why I take everything literally and to heart. Why I react so much. Why….why…..why……
I just have to get through tonight and tomorrow morning and then I will be able to relax and get my answers. Then I can move on and get help and be able to function better in my life.
The psychologist believes that the high amount of anxiety I have is one of the reasons for my migraines and she wants to see what she can do to help me with that. That will be great. And it makes sense as to when and why I get them.
This is going to be a big step forward in my life and make it a turning point. It also makes me believe so much more that awareness is so important so that others don’t have to go through their life wondering and struggling like I have till now…