A reminder of how change affects her….

I don’t put Juli through a lot of major change situations these days. One reason is it is just really hard to deal with and handle the end results.

I was reminded of this last week. Friday to be precise, and it was not a fun experience :(….

I often take her to one of my besties for the afternoon/evening. She lives in our old area about 40 minutes away from where we are now.

She loves to play with the dogs and cats as well as gets to spend time with my besties two teenage daughters. Juli loves to go there. She often asks me in the morning if we are going to Auntie Sylvie’s today.

This day we were going but instead of staying we were picking something up and bringing it back home, and Sylvie was coming with us.

This was too big a change for Juli. From the moment she realized we were leaving before we were “supposed to” she couldn’t handle it. She kept telling me that we aren’t supposed to leave and she doesn’t want to leave, but of course she didn’t have the words to tell me why….

When I asked her why we can’t leave or why she doesn’t want to leave all I got from her is “I don’t know”…

She really didn’t have the words to tell me why it felt wrong. I told her “I understand that we usually stay at Auntie Sylvie’s but this time we need to go and do something that is going to be really nice at home”. We were going home to build a bathroom cabinet and Sylvie was going to help me…

It took me about 15 minutes to get her into the car, and by the time I did she was balling her eyes out.  She was so upset because in her mind this isn’t right. We aren’t supposed to leave Auntie Sylvie’s before supper, and usually not before dark….

In fact she cried for the next 15-20 minutes on the way home. She kept telling me through her tears that she didn’t want to go home and that we can’t go home, and yet through it all she couldn’t tell me why.

She cried herself to sleep, but I”m sure if she hadn’t fallen asleep she would have cried all the way home…

It is so hard to listen to it, it breaks me heart. I understand how she feels as for me it felt so wrong also to leave, but at least I can identify why it felt wrong and know that I am going home for a positive reason. So I can talk myself through the wrong feelings, but she can’t.

This was definitely a reminder as to how much change still affects her. I didn’t think it had gone away, but I hadn’t put us in a situation like this that would provoke it in such a while and now I remember why. It’s so emotionally draining….

I know it’s good to put her in those situations – and I’m constantly reminded of this by all professionals, but I think I need to become much more emotionally stronger as well via my own process of therapy as I can’t handle it very well when we go through this.

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