Here and gone….

The last 6 months have felt like I’ve been in a dream to me. So much has happened and so fast.

It’s kind of feels something like being on a lazy Suzan that someone else is spinning around. When it stops you take care of what is in front of you and then you get spun around again. Stop – do what’s in front of you – spin. Over and over.

That is what it’s been like. I feel like I have just been going and not having time to take in life and what’s around me.

I feel like I never really did the cat sitting, that it was just a dream.

One day, I’m working on myself to get better emotionally; the next I’m going on a week vacation with my husband and daughter; then come back and spontaneously start cat sitting. 

I’m doing something I really enjoy. I love my furbabies. I may only take care of them while their families travel, but I love them like my own.

For the next 6 months my cat clients are a big part of my life, and then all of a sudden, they aren’t, and it’s over.

My life is back to exactly the way it was when I came back from vacation last July.

Did the cats ever really happen? Or was it all a dream? It feels like it was – except for the huge gaping hole in my heart. For the fur kids that I’ll never see again.

It ended just as spontaneously as it started.

I’ve never been able to keep a job. Only the first one I ever did lasted more than 2 years. All the rest barely more than a year and some of them much less….

I really thought this was different. Especially since I adore cats and I know cats probably better than I know myself.

But now, just as quickly as it started, it disappears and I’m left feeling confused, sad and frustrated… like I’m letting down my babies because they know that when mommy goes away, I’m the familiar face that walks through the door. When I walk in they don’t even come smell me, they come right to me and we go straight into loves.

Breaks my heart to leave them.

And now here I am, back where I started, as if the last 6 months didn’t happen. Feels so weird.

I hurt, but my mind wonders why as it doesn’t feel like it was real….

It’s so hard to describe the way I feel…

I just have to put all of the love for my babies and the pain in a drawer in my mind and close it.

Otherwise it just hurts way too much.

I really thought this work would be different for me, but I guess not…..

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