Hard realization :(

Each time I bring Juli to school it reinforces a thought in my mind. Makes me realize it each time, again and again….

Living here is where Juli has most of the growing up that she remembers.

We left our last place when she was 3 years old. This summer will be her 4th summer here. When she thinks of growing up and what she remembers, it will all be about this home not where she was before now….

Her friends are here, her school is here. Juli is spending her growing up years here. Becoming more self aware here.

To her this is home.

Her home is here… Mine isn’t.

To this day, I step out my front door and it still doesn’t feel like I belong. Still doesn’t feel like home….

When I think of home, I think of St. Jeans Blvd and St. Charles Blvd.  When I think of home, I think of Pierrefonds, DDO, Kirkland… It’s hard to realize that home to Juli is not home to me.

I’m not even sure if that will ever change. I still aim to live back in the West Island again, I don’t think I will ever stop thinking about that.

It’s just hard to realize that me being back where I feel I belong, and Juli being where she feels like she belongs is two different places for us.

She has her life here and that is hard for me to remember. It really feels like the wind gets knocked out of me when I truly think about the fact that here is home for Juli, and not me.

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